Before the Premier League you could get buy a half decent player for around £300K. Now it turns out, that’s what Peter Crouch’s clubs have paid between them – for every single one of his goals.
The lanky one has played for seven clubs and they’ve paid a total of 33.5M in fees for the privilege. His goal tally is 109 which works out, discounting 4 he scored on loan to Norwich, at around 300K each. While you recover from that figure digest the news that, according to no less an expert than Tony Cascarino, he’s the best British buy this close season. So it’s hats off to Harry and a large scotch for Chairman Levy as he thinks about an eye-watering £300K every time big Crouchy scores.
But that’s history of course. Because every time he scores for us the cost per goal goes down. There, you feel better already don’t you? Just in case Crouch doesn’t score enough, maybe he’d better have a word with Cascarino about his playing days at Marseille. Because according to his autobiography, the club president’s personal physician used to give the team injections with an ‘unknown’ substance which made Cas feel livelier and more goal hungry. The club physio insisted that the substance was perfectly legal, so that’s OK then . . . maybe.
If all that isn’t a big enough shock to your system, how about news we’re in the top 4? Yes, according to a survey we’re second in the league for the amount of time fans spend obsessing about their club. Top of the league are new boys Burnley, then it’s us, with Liverpool third and Gooners fourth. Guess we’d all settle for that next May, and after Harry makes a few more signings we might even overtake Burnley!
By Phil Rowson
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